Over the last two weeks I've put on 0.4lbs, which is pretty good considering I've not really been putting my all into it - the few days after the crash I didn't really eat anything, but, then, I was definitely trying to eat myself into a more relaxed state (granted not being able to get to the supermarket limited damage a bit).
Anyway, I've decided it's time to start focusing on losing weight again. I'm not struggling to sleep, or muttering to myself about how stupid it was (the crash was my fault). In reality, I now feel pretty normal, I've even managed to get some work done and am staying on top of my e-mails. Unfortunately, I am still living with only one hand, which is very frustrating and because of the snow I've become something of a pyjama-wearing shut in (my boyfriend did make me come out, gripping his hand super tight) as I'm scared of slipping and falling and damaging my hand further. I also am plagued by fear that my hand won't heal properly, the thought of using it for anything even when it's healed makes me feel sick, like it might just crumble off my wrist. But, I go back to the hospital next week to have my splint taken off and start physio...I think, provided it's healed properly, I'll only be wearing the splint at night. Fingers crossed because I have clients waiting on my quick recovery!
The boyfriend and I booked a holiday in October over the weekend. Before the crash, this was a source of weight-related anxiety for me. In life, I'm good with deadlines, I thrive under pressure - my job is high pressure, I like exam situations, I like structure, dates, lists, deadlines. But, with my weight, the second deadlines are introduced, all my resolve crumbles. It's like, when there's something I want to lose weight for and the enjoyment of that event will be compromised to some extent by not losing weight, I decide to give up rather than face failure. In reality a loss of 2 stone would be enough for the major issues my weight causes on holidays to disappear - plane seats being uncomfortable and only being on the cusp of fitting into roller-coaster seats. By October I could probably lose double that, if not more and be relatively near to my goal weight - but, still far enough away to not be over the moon about having pictures taken or wearing a swimming costume. And that's exactly the kind of thinking that puts, "it's not even worth it," thoughts in my head. So, I need to focus on the physical, comfort related benefits of losing weight, not the more distant realisation of body beautiful. Oh am I looking forward to going on holiday though! This year has already been a nightmare, so, that's something to look forward to!