Saturday, 22 December 2012

Weigh In - Week 11

I lost 1.3lbs this week. I'm really happy with that, as I was only aiming to maintain my weight this week, with food-based social engagements, Christmas preparations, etc. I'm only 0.3lbs off 2 stone now! Pretty exciting!

I was working today and I kind of always feel horribly uncomfortable on work days (by which I mean the days I'm not doing the office elements of it or meetings) because my job is really physically demanding (I often end up standing for 12 hours, carrying a lot of heavy equipment and am pretty much always horribly dehydrated), but, I also have to dress in a formal fashion. Being fat and trying to dress formally is difficult enough anyway - I really hate it, but, then trying to be comfortable working too... Urgh. So, normally I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and I feel like an absolute state, but, today, I saw myself in the mirror and I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not saying I'd be satisfied to stay at this weight forever, but, I didn't look like a bedraggled mess - my skin is sooo much clearly nowadays and my face has lost weight and the clothes, I suppose fit more how they're supposed to, rather than being strained to their limit. So, that was nice.

Anyway, guys, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and the food situation isn't too disastrous! See you on the other side...! x

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Weigh In - Week 10

I lost 1.5lbs this week. I am nearly at the 2 stone lost mark - although, with the festivities I doubt I'll be seeing that until 2013!

I had a pretty good week - I was back on track, even if it was more of an effort and from a mid-week weigh in I'd actually lost 2lbs by Wednesday. But, then I just got really, really sad. Everyone gets inexplicably sad sometimes, right? I tried to fight it off, but, I think without the constant indiscriminate numbing of binge eating, it was a lot more powerful and it kind of crippled me. I think I might have got a bit too excited about having a Christmas Disney would envy and the anti-climax has hit me hard, or something a bit more legitimate...!

When I moved out of home, I was worried I'd be really lonely. I've always liked my own space, but, the thought of waking up alone, working alone all day, sitting alone in the evenings, it was kind of daunting. But, then I was alone and I loved it - the control over everything (like, none of my food being gone when I open the fridge and keeping the flat hotter than the Sahara because I get cold) and the space to spread all my stuff out, work in a separate study, etc. But, I think after three/four months that dreaded loneliness has hit me and I just feel so abjectly alone. Because I work on the weekends I go whole fortnights without seeing my boyfriend or friends - the only thing I do is go to other people's parties and not talk to anyone (that only makes sense if you know what I do for a living!). I went out with my friends last night and I'm off to my boyfriends today, so, I feel better now. But, I admit that I let it get the better of me, I went to the supermarket with tear tracks down my face to drown my sorrows in carbohydrates. It kind of worked, I was disappointed about the step back as far as weight loss goes, but, it did take the edge off the misery and it was kind of worth it because I couldn't stand being that sad... Of course, I really should develop some grown up coping mechanisms. Suggestions welcome!

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Weigh In - Week 9

I lost 2.2lbs this week, somewhat undeserved I feel as I haven't done well at all this week! But, perhaps that is me catching up with last week. I also had a mega work day yesterday, five hours of driving and about eight hours of walking around/standing, so, maybe that helped. It is much easier when I'm busy and out of the house - I think one of the things that has made me struggle so much recently is not having enough sleep and then sitting around the house all day working, all of 2 feet from the kitchen. Boredom is a killer.

Only two more weigh ins before Christmas! Not exactly where I hoped to be and definitely concerned about weight gain over the holiday period. But, at the same time, I don't want to restrict myself and make it all boring and sober.

I had a twelve hour-ish work day today too so that is literally all I can think of to say because I am so exhausted! I will say something more interesting during the week!

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Uh oh

I have gone a bit off the rails. Ok, a lot off the rails. I've been feeling kind of queasy lately, but, to be honest, that could be because I ate my way through a ridiculous amount of sweets.

I don't really know what's going on with me - I think I took the gain a bit harder than I should have. Rationally I know that if ive consumed less than I've burned then I'll lose weight, so the gain was just an anomaly. But, over-eaters are just looking for excuses, right? And that's an easy excuse. Oh and I'm just bored and still not sleeping well. I've done better today, I exercised, distracted myself with Christmas card writing, but, I still haven't been perfect. I'm super disappointed in myself. I felt like everything was going well and it was easy...and it was easy, I was in the habit and I didn't feel like it was a great effort. But now, it seems like a massive effort. So, I suppose I'll just have to make that effort until it feels easy again. I'll be fine.

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Weigh In - Week 8

A late weigh in post for you here, yesterday was super busy! I had a client meeting that went on about three times longer than they usually do, then I went to a Christmas tree farm (and then some serious manual labour, on the part of my boyfriend, was needed to actually put the tree up) and then we went to see Twilight, which was super awful and I kind of hate myself for watching all of them. Haha.

Anyway, at yesterdays weigh in, I saw a gain of 0.5lbs, which I was pretty irritated and down about as I weigh myself near enough everyday and had seen at least a 1.5lb loss up until yesterday (and today, again, I saw a loss), so, feel like it was a bit of a fluke - probably down to some time-of-the-month bloating. Alas. While I went out for two meals last week, I was careful to track them and I only ate breakfast before and hadn't actually gone over my calorie limit.

Today though, armed with the disappointment of a gain when I didn't feel it was deserved, I drove my boyfriend to the train station and my car was making horrific noises, like I was in some suped up idiot-mobile. We got out and my exhaust is pretty much hanging on by a thread (which apparently happened since last night when I drove it and it was fine...). I had intended to go to the supermarket after dropping him off and I'd have just had time to get a few things before they closed, but, I ended up taking the car home in case it fell apart. I was feeling kind of depressingly trapped knowing I couldn't get in my car (and nowhere within walking distance is open), so, I ended up ordering pizza, I'd worked out how many slices I could have to stay in my calorie limit, but, I ate more. It was rubbish, it didn't taste particularly nice, I felt super sick and now my flat smells like grease. Altogether a rather unsatisfying episode that I will put behind me and hopefully, if I'm a model student the rest of the week, I'll still see a loss on the scales.

On the up side, I got a load of clothes I ordered online this week because I really need some new jeans as mine keep falling down - I wasn't really happy with any of the jeans (my legs are an awkward length between long and regular jeans, so, often jeans are too short), but, I got some tops in a size smaller than I was wearing before, which was nice. My skin also looks a lot better than it did before, which is partly due to my new obsession with anti-wrinkle creams because I've developed frown lines, but, also, I'm sure because I'm not treating pizza like it's my only food group.

Oh and also - I've seen no mice for nearly a week now (I think), so, I am feeling a little less like I'm in the middle of a breakdown - I still jump when the pipes creak, but, I'm not obsessively staring at the traps every ten minutes or waking up in the night dreaming about them, so, that's really good. I did kind of have a mini breakdown about it last week and ended up crying hysterically on the phone to my Mum saying I couldn't remember what it was like not to have my life consumed by the thought of mice. So, I'm hoping I can get my life back on track now and start thinking about myself again and get back into my exercise routine, not walking around all day dazed because I'm functioning on three hours sleep a night. Hooray.