I kind of went AWOL there, didn't I? Definitely partly because I haven't been focused. I've been up and down on the eating front, but, have managed to hover around the same number.
I think I'm just finding it hard to focus on the future when I feel like I'm waiting to be back to physical health. I know that's stupid and if anything, more reason to get losing weight so I don't feel like the last six weeks have been just me moping about my hand and overeating.
They took my splint off last Tuesday. Or at least, approved me to only wear it at night and when it's likely to get bumped into. And I started physio. Which involves bending my fingers and trying to make a fist over and over. It's frustrating because by the end of the day, I can make more of a fist than at the beginning, then the splint goes back on and in the morning I start all over :-( I just didn't realise what a long and laborious process it would be. I have another week of this before I even start anything more advance that's going to take me anywhere near being able to USE my hand. And god knows when I'll be able to drive again.
I weighed myself yesterday (earlier than my official weigh in date and also at around midday because I'd been out drinking the night before...) and the scales said I'd lost around 4lbs. I felt like that was unlikely, but, it gave me the boost I needed to get back on track and then I took my measurements and I'm about 6 inches down in total since the end of November. Slow progress, but, it was another boost to refocus me. Oh and I bought some new clothes and I feel like you can see a difference.
I am just a bit despondent at the moment. I'm getting wrinkles and sad about having missed out on "my youth" due to my weight. It's kind of hard to explain without getting into some long ramble about all the things I wish I'd done while I was young and slim (and how I squandered my brief periods of slimness not doing these things). But, I just feel sad that when I get to my goal weight, I'm sure I'll be fitter and more comfortable and enjoy buying clothes and all that stuff, but, it's not going to make me eighteen again. I do worry that I'm sabotaging myself because I don't want to acknowledge that losing weight can't fix everything and can't steal back my teens and early twenties. Sigh.